On yesterday May 30, 2014, I went to my oldest daughter's classroom during our lunch time. I was told from her teacher that she got kicked out of her math class and was sent to her reading teacher for being rude and disrespectful. So the teacher told me that my daughter said she did not take her medicine and she has "hell" in her today. So the teacher asked me why she didn't take her medicine and I told her she's been sick with a very bad cold so I gave her cough medicine this morning and I did not want to double dose her with cold medicine and her ADHD medicine. The teacher understood that, so I went to my daughter and said why are you misbehaving today? her response was because she didn't take her medicine, so I asked her what did I tell you your medicine is for and she said for me to concentrate and I said yes, so that means you chose to misbehave because on weekend you don't take your medicine and you behave then. I told her this is my last time I tell you that your medicine is not for your behavior, its for you to concentrate on your studies. And when you misbehave its a choice. So, since you chose to misbehave me as your mother chooses to have you on punishment for the weekend is that understood. her reply was yes.......
Later on yesterday I received a text from my youngest daughter teacher about her behavior today (but with her she took her medicine). So after school my daughter comes to my classroom and I asked her what was your problem today and she came out and told me she didn't feel like doing work today and didn't feel like listening to the teacher, so I told her since you chose to do wrong I choose to have you on punishment. There is no excuse for you and your sister to misbehave.
When we arrived home their punishment started they had to write an apology letter to their teacher, they had to go in the corner and they were not allowed to play with none of their games and could not watch TV. We took all of their games out of their room. They had to be in bed at 7:45pm last night.
On this morning they were awaken by their father, he gave them breakfast, had them to wash their face and brush their teeth and put on some clothes. Their punishment this morning was to walk around the block and pick up trash. But before leaving the house with their dad this morning we had them in the room to explain their punishment and what they did yesterday in school was unacceptable. My oldest daughter says " YOU ALL DON'T LOVE US" "IF YOU DID YOU WOULDN'T PUT US ON PUNISHMENT AND THAT SHE HATES US", the youngest sister says "THEY DO LOVE US, ITS US THAT KEEP MISBEHAVING, THEY DO THINGS FOR US, THEY TELL US THEY LOVE US,THEY TELL US WHEN THEY ARE PROUD OF US, AND THEY TOOK US OUT THE SHELTER" THEY DO LOVE US DON'T SAY THAT, WE NEED TO STOP MISBEHAVING AT SCHOOL.
I asked my oldest girl to step out the room for a minute and I will talk to her one on one, next thing I hear is the door slamming and she saying she HATE US!!!! I started to cry because I didn't know why she would say something like that, so I went to get my husband out of the bathroom and told him that she left the house, so he got in his car and went to look for her, I grabbed my keys with our youngest daughter and went to look for her too as I am crying and praying my youngest daughter says mommy its going to be okay and we are going to find her. The way I went I couldn't find her.... So I went back to the house. Then my husband came home with her (she was found on the other block) and I cried as I hugged her so tightly and I said don't ever leave like that again we was worried about you, you may think because we punish you we don't love you but we love you for eternity and we punish you because the things you do we do not like and there will always be consequences behind your wrong actions. We are here to love you as well as to guide you in the right direction. We don't ever want you to go down that wrong road.
I explained that running away is a serious matter because anything could have happened to you. I explained too that words hurt and you can't ever take back what you said.... She apologized and said that she was sorry and I told her we forgive her and we hugged...... I told her that her punishment has extended and she will not be going to LEGOLAND next weekend and she said she understood and that She loves us and she is sorry again. Both girls did complete their punishment this morning...
I blogged this story to tell other adoptive parents that they will say very harsh things to you but at the end you still love them despite the hurt and you ask God to help you to help them even more and to understand them more because we really don't know what they really went through with their biological parents and when they were in the system as a foster child. As I am typing this I am still crying because my daughters are my life and I will go to hell and back for them. Don't ever give up on them let them know that you love them so much and that there's nothing that they can do but love you back!!!!
Be encouraged fellow adoptive parents and God Bless
SISTER I'm so proud of you for first taking action and embracing the consequences as blessings. You have come a long way, it's going to hurt but it only makes us stronger. I ENCOURAGE you and my brother to keep believing. YOUR DOING AN AWESOME JOB AS PARENTS AND I LOVE YOU ALL.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Portia !!!! It's great to hear encouraging :) I am getting stronger by the day.God Bless you...
ReplyDeleteWell your story was inspiring we need more people like you around. God says we must encourage each other.
ReplyDeleteIt is so great to hear that my story has inspired you. I must say encouraging words helps people in so many ways. Thank You :)
DeleteI love reading your blogs Vanessa..... you and your husband keep up the good work!! May God continue to bless you and the girls!
ReplyDeleteThank You for your encouraging words and for reading my blog, God Bless :)
DeleteI went through the same thing when I received Permanent Guardianship over my god daughter back in 2009, at the time she was 16 and it was tough journey so I empathize with you. Because it is hurtful when they act out.Although I took her out of DCF custody into a loving home nothing was ever good enough. But I had to pray and eventually I realized that I was only receiving the backlash as a result of her not having her birth parents.
ReplyDeleteVanessa, reading your blog tonight has shed some light on my journey of adopting CJ. If you persevered inspire of and still showed love and not throw in the towel, I am more motivated to know I can overcome. I am so proud of you because you are truly a blessing to all of us who are driving down the same road of adoption. Keep up the good work!!!
DeleteI also empathize with you and it is not easy but love will conquer all hurt in due time, we just have to believe. Thank you for not giving up. I would love for us to stay in contact, we can really learn from one another as adoptive parents and guardians. Be encouraged :)
DeleteMiriam, I am happy to hear that you are in the process of adopting. Adoption is a great thing but at times it will not be easy but as good parents you press through the hardships and still love unconditionally. My stories are for adoptive parents like yourself. We need each other and this is why I started this blog because adopted parents needs resources, encouragement, and etc to be able to deal with our children according to their needs. Let's stay connected and start a movement for adoptive parents. Blessings to you and your child CJ.
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